Tak seperti yang dirancang.

 Assalamualaikum my dearest readers.

Pernah tak rasa, kau dah useless and bila kau jatuh kau nampak orang sekeliling kau menjauh. Tu yang aku rasa sekarang. From last posting, aku baru dapat keje but then aku sendiri berhenti sbb aku takleh masuk dengan keje, aku ingatkan leaps tu my life biasa-biasa je tak lah extreme sgt kan jadinya. Yes 2022, a lot of things happen. Sometimes rasa mcm, patut ke aku hilang je dari dunia ni. 

1st, aku berhenti 2 keje and 2 kali tukar tempat keje. Nothing to hide, aku tengah susah. Ye hari fikir macam mana ye nak cari duit, macam ye nak teruskan hidup. And maybe aku dah dalah step, aku start ambik komitmen and aku sedar aku tengah tak stabil or baru2 je nak sesuai kan diri dengan tempat baru. To be honest, aku pun tak sangka aku akan buat keputusan tu. Aku tak sangka aku akan buat semua orang rasa yang aku dah gagal. 

Sumpah aku cakap, member aku tunang pun aku tak mampu nak datang sbb jauh aku takde duit nak datang. What kind of friend la aku ni. She’s my best friend, but aku takleh ada, aku takleh tengok dia. I fail. Family aku susah pun aku takleh nak buat apa-apa. Semua sebab aku takde duit. Aku rasa jauh gila dari diorang. Sebab klau aku jumpa diorang, diorang akan tanya keje aku, and aku percaya diorang harapkan something dari aku. Ye diorang tak minta tapi diorang mesti nak merasakan. Aku tak marah diorg, sbb aku yang gagal bagi apa yang diorang harapkn. 

Mungkin korang akan nasihatkan aku untuk percaya dengan rancangan Allah. Aku percaya dan yakin Allah akan kurniakan kebahagian yang aku cari. Mungkin bukan sekarang. Aku percaya. Tapi, sumpah aku tak kuat. Nampak macam aku tak cuba pun nak upgrade diri aku, tapi hari2 aku doa and fikir macam mana aku nak daptkn semua tu so that family aku happy. 

Korang yang ada baca blog aku, doakan ye aku terus kuat and semoga Allah kurniakan rezeki yang boleh bantu family aku. Amin. 

XOXO 

Thank you Allah

 Assalamualaikum to all reader, thank you so much for stay and read my writing.

To be honest, I’m not a good writer, and i always dream to be one. It’s okey to dream. For past few months, i feel so sad and feel like i’m at the stage of distrust myself and lost. Thank you Allah, and ramadhan have thought me to stay positive. Aku lebih dekat kan diri dengan Allah, cuba perbaiki diri. Alhamdullillah, satu2 Allah tolong, Allah bgi aku kesabaran yang aku rasa Ya Allah, terima kasih Ya Allah. Semoga terus istikamah Amin. 

Lepas berhenti kerja bulan 2 yangn lepas, im starting my new career at one of the small company. Yes small company, because i want to have new environment and new exposure. To be honest, i was so excited but then things was not turn out to be as plan. Yes. Not what i was expected it will be. One by one of their staff before me reisgn and i was the one who left. Until end of april fews week before Raya. I was so shock and speechless. The owner of the company which my boss, she want to return to Arab Saudi for Raya and told me to find different job, technically, she want me to quit. Alhamdulillah juga, memang aku nak berhenti because at the time aku tgh cari new job juga. Sangat2 bersyukur 2 job interview, one of it lepas and they already gave me the offer letter. Actuallu, aku takut sbb position tu sumpah agak tinggi juga la. Boleh ke aku buat? But my of my friend once said: choose what fear you the most, because you never know. Yeah betul. At this age aku kene explore and learn banyak benda. So that bila aku dah reach 30 or 40 aku dah lebih mantang dalam buat keputusan. Semoga aku kuat and mampu hadapi apa je. Amin. 

Next week aku start kerja baru, and aku sebenarnya baru lepasd jatuhh tangga tau. Pastu terseliuh la kaki kanan ni so susah la nk jalan laju. Okey tu tkde masalah. Masalahnya mcm mana aku nak drive Cik Kancil. And for your information, cik kancil ssaya tu manual. So i need to use my both leg to drive. Sakit la jawabnya. Lagi2 area KL ni. Berita gembira pun sampai. Betul la tu rezeki Allah. Tepat pda waktu. Sbb aku fikir mcm mn la nak gi keje ni, dah la first day, takkan nak MC plak. Dah fkir pakai grab gila la mahal, minta tolong cousin je lah. And past 2 day, dapt ws dari agent kreta, dia kata kereta dah alocate so boleh bayar deposit, yes bila dah depo tu few day dah dpt kreta. Masa tu tak terfikir lagi kereta dapt sebelum keje baru start. Okey la few day je minta tolong org hnatr. And surprisingly, today agent kata, dik esok cuti tk ? Ambik kereta esok boleh ? Perhh hati ni Allah je la tau. Syukur Ya Allah. Terima kasih Allah. Semoga lebih success, amin. Korang yang baca ni doa2 tau. Sama2 kita doa semoga dilimpahkan rezeki, rezeki yang tak disangka2, rezeki yang dapat bantu orang lain. Amin. Okey, tu je nak share. And sis nk bagitahu, percayalah dengan rezeki dan kuasa Allah. Semoga semua dilindungi dan sentiasa diberikan kesihatan. Amin. 

Semoga korang semua sihat and selamat hari raya. 

XOXO

-NS-

When I know he never want me

Should i wait longer ? Should i give my heart ? Why im being such a stupid? I truly love him. Everyday, i keep reminding myself that he will come to me and say the same things. But, the thing doesn't goes as i expected it will be. 

4th of November, i return home and after 2 years not meeting him. I was so excited. Excited like really excited. We've planned to meet on that Saturday. Before that day, i'm truly excited and feel so lovely. Feel like i'm falling in love again. We talk, video call and text. I know he's busy and not have 24/7 to be there for me. I understand. Never argue about not getting much of intention. I'm trying to be understanding. He made me feel butterfly, every time. 

That day have come, we supposed meet, unfortunately, it not happening. We not meet. The date cancel because of small things. Never mind. There's another day that. Not more but still have. 

Still. we didn't meet for the date. Last day at hometown, hoping to meet him. I went to his house to give his birthday present. Yeap, we met. We go out for few minutes. Not long but huge for me. Happy, yes iam. We talk. But its turn out to be my sad day ever. I ask for serious question. We didn't declare for serious relationship, that day i ask him. Did he serious with me ? I looking at him and hoping for happy ending. Its turn out to be something i hate. He didn't say he want me. He didn't say he doesn't want me. If we meant to be together we will be. He was just put it on the fact. Sounds like he push me. 

My heart broke. Its broken. Thousand pieces like glass drop. Yeah its really hurt like im gonna die that day. Pressure on my head. Is this real? He said, if you find someone better than him, just go. what the hell im gonna with that. Should i be happy or says okey. No No No ! Hell no, I love him and he said i can be with someone else. My eyes hold the tears. 

That night when i arrived, i feel so down. Since that day, I cry ! Every night ! People thought i'm sick, but not its because i cry every single night. I keep remind myself to move on. How can i move on. I love him for almost more than 7 years since i met him at high school. I just want to be happy with him.

Should i wait for another 5 years. Is it worth to wait? I don't want to lose him. I just want to be with him. I want to stand right next him. He love me or not? To be honest, my heart says, "I love him".

Its hurt. Its pain. My head, my eyes, my hearts. Pain. Pain. I hate myself for hoping him to come to me. 

p/s: if you read this. I'll let you know, my love never stop. But when i'm tired and you still didn't show the effort. Okey, i will let the feeling go and close my heart. 

 -NS- 

Life as an adult

 Assalamualaikum dear reader, 

Two years past geng, a lot of things happen lately kan? Never imagine living with virus that able to change a lof of things. Change our life to something else. Wear mask, social distance, MCO, WFH, and more more and more. Stressful juga la kan dengan new norms ni. But, this is it. Nak taknak kene hadap. Paling sakit bila jauh dgn family lama-lama. Painful wei. Alhamdulillah, dah bole rentas. Lepas umum je sis terus plan balik kg jumpa parents, atuk nenek. Sedara-sedara yg dekat sana pun jumpa juga. Two years raya dekat KL tanpa family yg klau boleh every years raya sekali. Sedih gila. 

Okey. Back to main topic. 

Tough gila hidup adult ni. Dulu masa kecik-kecik sibuk nk hidup sendiri konon. Ni dah keje, duduk sendiri baru kau tau rasanya. Rasain loooo.  Hahahah. Yang paling pishang, gi keje balik keje , gi keje balik keje. Tu je la routine weekday. Tu la masa belajar taknak enjoy. Now, menyesal. Korang mcm mn ? yg dah dewasa tu, yang dah plan-plan nak kahwin. Apa perasaan korg? Sis tak tau nak feel apa hahah. mungkin keje sis ni tak cukup fun. Kira belum rasa sesuai lagi. Maybe after few years dpt keje yg sesuai dgn minat, mungkin la best sikit. Now, sis mula dari bawah. Keje clerk je. Ya clerk je. Experience kan, bukan senang nak dpt. Insyaallah, sis yakin dengan rezeki dan perancangan Allah.

Yang tanya-tanya bila nak kahwin. Sabar jap. Kita bagi member-member kita kahwin dulu. huhu. Next-next baru sis pulak. Nak buat mcm mn dah ada calon, tapi calon tak ready. Takpe, ada jodoh kahwin la kita. 

Maaf la reader-reader semua, sis dah lama tak post blog ni. Nowadays pun org tak into blog blog ni, org more to Vlog. Takpe takpe, sis suka-suka je blog ni. Bila rajin je la kot nak sembang sini. Tah ada tah tak org baca ni hah. 

Apa-apa pun, hope semua yg baca ni, sihat and stay strong with new norms. Tough tapi Insyaallah ada pelangi selapas hujan. Love ya all. 

Lots of love.

-NS-

Sky Garden , Melaka

ASSALAMULAIKUM

I hope everyone are having a good time ! Selamat Hari Raya to alls of muslim in the world.

Its been a long time actually i didnt update my blog.

This is the night view 

Btw, SKY GARDEN ! Beautiful place to have a great time with the love ones. Actually i just won a prize from the The Shore. I enter the competition just for fun because that time me and my group member were busy doing our video assignment at the mall (THE SHORE). Suddenly, there is a worker, she tell us about the competition. Honestly, i didnt expect to win the prize. Alhamdullillah i got the second prize which is Afternoon Tea at the Sky Garden. Wauuu. The afternoon tea set good to have date and you didnt want to eat heavy food. Its started from 5pm until 11pm. The view from the restaurant was so beautiful and stunning ! I fall in love with the view. I hope to have a romantic dinner at that place again.

The food is nice so far. Not really bad. Good and nice.

If you come to Melaka, maybe you can try to enjoy the dinner or lunch and actually The Shore also one of the interested place to visit when you come to Melaka. Its a exclusive and fancy. You should try. Really recommended.

Okey. Thank you for having your time read this short story.

RED

ASSALAMUALAIKUM ...

Hello semua. Masih gigih untuk update blog yang tak ada pembaca ke tak.. Tapi ada something yang membuatkan aku nak juga terus tulis blog. Ye lah now tengak trend orang buat VLOG. VLOG yang buat video cakap kat depan camera then bla bla. Nak juga try tapi rasa mcam tak pe lah. Tetiba aku rasa mcam blog ni like my second diary. Selalunya aku akan tulis dalam buku diary je. I like to keep every memories. Tak kisah lah dengan sape pun . Even dengan orang yang maybe in future takkan ingat kita or what. But, i like it. 

Red ? Yeah... Actually Red is nama group member aku. Okey , ahli Red terdiri dari Aku, Nisya, Wani and Fatin. Comel kan kan . okey . Aku tak berapa ingat bila kita orang start this group. Tapi yang pasti akan kekal sampai mati . Since from 4 rasanya. Friendship yang paling aku nak dari dulu. 

Thanks to Nisya, Wani and Fatin .. Sayang korang..

okey kenapa nak cerita pasal ni. Okey sebelum aku start nak tulis blog tadi. Aku tengok my previous post. Hahah kelaka je semua tu. And tetiba terbaca pasal Red. aku pernah tulis. and aku pun rindu ! So ni lebih kurang throwback .Honestly , aku nangis bila baca and teringat balik masa sekolah. Happy je. Hari2 dapat peluk, gelak and every morning pergi sekolah benda pertama aku buat bila sampai aku akan cari diorang. Disebabkan selalunya aku akan datang awal. Aku akan tunggu diorang. So my eyes akan fokus tunggu diorang ni sampai. Bila jumpa je . Apa lagi bukak lah cerita.Tak kisah lah cerita apa pun . Mesti ada. Drama ke crush ke boyfriend buat hal ke . Oh yang paling penting tanya homework dah siap ke belum. And aku rindu how easy my life masa kat sekolah. 

Nisya, Wani and Fatin , 

Terima kasih sebab korang still stay dengan aku. Even masing2 busy dah sekarang. Aku akan sentiasa sayang korang. Maybe kita jauh. Aku harap our friendship akan kekal until forever. Even in future kita akan makin busy and takde masa untuk sembang sama2 , lepak sama2. Believe me, aku betul sayang korang . Rindu nak peluk korang. Rindu hari2 jumpa kat sekolah. Aku rindu nak share semua benda dengan korang. 

Aku rindu nak peluk korang. Rindu nak nangis dengan korang. Rindu anda bertiga !

Sorry aku ter-emo plak malam ni . Tak tau lah kenapa tapi ya emo teruk . hahah 

ni antara gambar fav aku. Paling fav ! 

LOT OF LOVE 

REDFOREVER

CONGRATULATION ! MATRIC

ASSALAMUALAIKUM ..

Congratulation !!! to sistor2 and bro2 yang dah dapat sambung belajr !! Tak kisah lah korang sambung apa pun . please bersyukur and appreciate the chances yang korang dapat. maybe ada yang takut yang tak ready lah ada yang sedih tak dapat apa yang korang betul2 nak. Apa2 pun korang kena bangga dengan diri korang and bersyukur dengan rezeki yang Allah bagi kat korang. New journey guys !!! hahah new experience . so take this opportunity and boom kelaur dari zone selesa korang. Bertabahlah dengan dugaan yang bakal korang hadapi nanti.



Maybe agak lambat untuk aku cerita pasal Matrik Perlis kat korang. For me matrik life is the best life yg korang akan rasa. And when korg dah sambung degree life korang for sure akan rindu matrik life. Study kat matrik tak lama pun. Like me just a year means 2 sem je. Tapi friendship korang masa kat matrik akan kuat. Dalam masa yang singkat korang akan build friendship yang korang rasa takkn stop sampai kat matrik je. Mostly, my matric life still keep contact still tanya khabar and still lah nak ajak lepak and wahtsoever. hahah So, appreciate lah masa2 korang bersama rakan2 korang kat matrik tu. Carilah sahabat yang rajin ingat korang untuk dekatkan dri dengan Allah and selalu ada dengan korang untuk share susah and senang. Not just kawan2 yangtau susahkan korang. ahhaha . Cuz what i have been through degree life is so much different. Stress tu biasa lah . Kawan2 lagiit is hard to find friendship yang sama like kat matrik. Apa2 pun jangan malas untuk attend events kat matrik sbb tu lah saat2 happy korang. So good luck to all of you yang baca blog ni . Semoga Allah sentiasa bersama korang and aku doakan semoga korang semua sukses . All the best guys !!