Tunggu atau lupakan ?

 Assalamualaikum and hi semua 😍

I'm back again. Thank you awak yang sudi hadir ke blog saya ni. Btw, yang baru or dah lama la bukak blog ni saya ada Vlog tau kat youtube. 

Ni link tauu >> OFFICIAL SYAFIQAH CHANNEL

Dari tajuk mungkin korng dah tau aku nak tulis apa kalini. Btw, kat blog ni je aku boleh write something yang datang dari hati. Ye la dalam daily life or reality takleh ikut hati sangat. Nak buat sesuatu kene fikir dulu la the pros and cons nya kan. Klau tak menyesal plak nanti. Apa-apa pun bagi aku, setiap yang berlaku atas izin Allah dan setiap yang berlaku itu pasti ada hikmahnya. 

Tunggu atau lupakan. 

Dalam blog ni aku rasa aku ada citer kot pasal this person. Tapi dah lama kot tak tau post yang mana and aku citer apa je. 

okay, aku rasa nak tulis pasal ni sebab, aku sebenarnya lama dah tunggu dia ni. lama tau. mungkin dah nak 5 tahun ? bagi aku lama. aku tunggu ye bukan kitaorg bercinta or in relationship. We friend but at the same time I'm hoping to have that serious relay. After aku grade, (2022-last year maybe) aku masih single and to be honest still harapkan dia. Mungkin nampak aku je yang desperate nak dia. Tapi, bila aku cuba kenal orang lain aku macam masih fikir pasal dia. Aku cuba lupakn perasan tu, tapi tak boleh. bila aku macam tengah happy dengan hidup aku tiba-tiba dia datang, dia chat, dia tanya khabar. Aku pernah ignore tapi, aku macam takkan nak senyap je, plus! aku ada contact kakak dia kadang2 klau balik Perak kadang2 datg umah mak dia. Kau rasa mcam mana aku nak move on dari dia. Takkan sebab relay aku yang tak jadi2 ni aku kene bermusuh dengan satu family dia. aku bukan macam tu wei. aku paling tak suka benci orang, sbb aku tak suka dibenci. 

Bila aku tanya pasal kahwin or aku macam beranikan la diri cakap, "kau nak kahwin dengan aku tak?". pastu jawapan dia "awak berhenti keje ikut saya duduk Kedah" (sbb dia tengah menuntut ilmu agama kat sana). bila fikir logik, dia keje tpi aku tak tau mcm mana income dia, dia belajar and buat sekali keje2 yang ada kat sana. Tbh aku tak kisah keje apa, yang penting halal and boleh tanggung aku. klau aku berhenti, mcm mn dengan commitment aku, hutang2 pun belum habis lagi. parents aku pun aku belum berbakti lagi. 

Bukan aku tak sanggup pergi sana, tapi mcm mana kehidupan aku kat sana nanti, dia dh cukup bersedia untuk tanggung aku. ermm tak tau la korang. korang rasa macam man ? any advice? 

26 and still tak de fikir nak kahwin. deep down aku happy je, tapi bila kene hadap mulut manusia, hati aku sakit juga, sedih juga. aku pun yakin bahawa belum jodoh lagi or mungkin Allah tau aku belum bersdia. 

kepada pembaca, terima kasih. aku doakan semua yang baca ni sentiasa diberikan kesihatan dan dilindungi Allah. Yang belum jumpa pasangan Insyaallah dengan izin Allah korang akan jumpa the right person. 

aku rasa tu je. thank you again. 

Terima kasih untuk harini #syukurselalu

N.S.

tak diperlukan lagi

 Assalamualaikum and hi semua, 

semalam aku hantar chat kat group friend masa sekolah menengah dulu, aku hantar la gambr yang aku tengah satu lagu ni pasal zaman sekolah. time aku dgr lagu ni sambil tgk music video tu aku tiba-tiba igt time aku sekolah dulu. i miss all the moment with them !

*ni la lagu tu*

sumpah lagu ni buat aku rindu gila zaman sekolah. masa ni dalam otak just fikir kerja sekolah and exam and belajar untuk skor that subject. and, hari-hari gelak jee tau. betul la orang ckap kau akan rindu zaman sekolah hahahah 

yes, aku rindu diorg, aku rasa bila dewasa ni memnag kita akan kurang kawan, ya more to quality friend. but i still love them and want to hang out with them. now, masing-masing dah ada life sendirikan. aku faham, takkan la selamanya diorg nak stick dengan aku je kan. 

tapi, aku sedih. masa aku dah send whatsapp tu, diorg tak bagi apa2 respond. sedih je tak marah. maybe time tu diorg busy gila and tak sempat nak reply aku. nevermind. apa-apa pun aku always doakan diorang happy and sentiasa dimurahkan rezeki. 

to my dearest friends, i miss you all. hope i can jump to the past for few minute maybe and feel the happiness that i always miss. 

N.S. 

Tak seperti yang dirancang.

 Assalamualaikum my dearest readers.

Pernah tak rasa, kau dah useless and bila kau jatuh kau nampak orang sekeliling kau menjauh. Tu yang aku rasa sekarang. From last posting, aku baru dapat keje but then aku sendiri berhenti sbb aku takleh masuk dengan keje, aku ingatkan leaps tu my life biasa-biasa je tak lah extreme sgt kan jadinya. Yes 2022, a lot of things happen. Sometimes rasa mcm, patut ke aku hilang je dari dunia ni. 

1st, aku berhenti 2 keje and 2 kali tukar tempat keje. Nothing to hide, aku tengah susah. Ye hari fikir macam mana ye nak cari duit, macam ye nak teruskan hidup. And maybe aku dah dalah step, aku start ambik komitmen and aku sedar aku tengah tak stabil or baru2 je nak sesuai kan diri dengan tempat baru. To be honest, aku pun tak sangka aku akan buat keputusan tu. Aku tak sangka aku akan buat semua orang rasa yang aku dah gagal. 

Sumpah aku cakap, member aku tunang pun aku tak mampu nak datang sbb jauh aku takde duit nak datang. What kind of friend la aku ni. She’s my best friend, but aku takleh ada, aku takleh tengok dia. I fail. Family aku susah pun aku takleh nak buat apa-apa. Semua sebab aku takde duit. Aku rasa jauh gila dari diorang. Sebab klau aku jumpa diorang, diorang akan tanya keje aku, and aku percaya diorang harapkan something dari aku. Ye diorang tak minta tapi diorang mesti nak merasakan. Aku tak marah diorg, sbb aku yang gagal bagi apa yang diorang harapkn. 

Mungkin korang akan nasihatkan aku untuk percaya dengan rancangan Allah. Aku percaya dan yakin Allah akan kurniakan kebahagian yang aku cari. Mungkin bukan sekarang. Aku percaya. Tapi, sumpah aku tak kuat. Nampak macam aku tak cuba pun nak upgrade diri aku, tapi hari2 aku doa and fikir macam mana aku nak daptkn semua tu so that family aku happy. 

Korang yang ada baca blog aku, doakan ye aku terus kuat and semoga Allah kurniakan rezeki yang boleh bantu family aku. Amin. 

XOXO 

Thank you Allah

 Assalamualaikum to all reader, thank you so much for stay and read my writing.

To be honest, I’m not a good writer, and i always dream to be one. It’s okey to dream. For past few months, i feel so sad and feel like i’m at the stage of distrust myself and lost. Thank you Allah, and ramadhan have thought me to stay positive. Aku lebih dekat kan diri dengan Allah, cuba perbaiki diri. Alhamdullillah, satu2 Allah tolong, Allah bgi aku kesabaran yang aku rasa Ya Allah, terima kasih Ya Allah. Semoga terus istikamah Amin. 

Lepas berhenti kerja bulan 2 yangn lepas, im starting my new career at one of the small company. Yes small company, because i want to have new environment and new exposure. To be honest, i was so excited but then things was not turn out to be as plan. Yes. Not what i was expected it will be. One by one of their staff before me reisgn and i was the one who left. Until end of april fews week before Raya. I was so shock and speechless. The owner of the company which my boss, she want to return to Arab Saudi for Raya and told me to find different job, technically, she want me to quit. Alhamdulillah juga, memang aku nak berhenti because at the time aku tgh cari new job juga. Sangat2 bersyukur 2 job interview, one of it lepas and they already gave me the offer letter. Actuallu, aku takut sbb position tu sumpah agak tinggi juga la. Boleh ke aku buat? But my of my friend once said: choose what fear you the most, because you never know. Yeah betul. At this age aku kene explore and learn banyak benda. So that bila aku dah reach 30 or 40 aku dah lebih mantang dalam buat keputusan. Semoga aku kuat and mampu hadapi apa je. Amin. 

Next week aku start kerja baru, and aku sebenarnya baru lepasd jatuhh tangga tau. Pastu terseliuh la kaki kanan ni so susah la nk jalan laju. Okey tu tkde masalah. Masalahnya mcm mana aku nak drive Cik Kancil. And for your information, cik kancil ssaya tu manual. So i need to use my both leg to drive. Sakit la jawabnya. Lagi2 area KL ni. Berita gembira pun sampai. Betul la tu rezeki Allah. Tepat pda waktu. Sbb aku fikir mcm mn la nak gi keje ni, dah la first day, takkan nak MC plak. Dah fkir pakai grab gila la mahal, minta tolong cousin je lah. And past 2 day, dapt ws dari agent kreta, dia kata kereta dah alocate so boleh bayar deposit, yes bila dah depo tu few day dah dpt kreta. Masa tu tak terfikir lagi kereta dapt sebelum keje baru start. Okey la few day je minta tolong org hnatr. And surprisingly, today agent kata, dik esok cuti tk ? Ambik kereta esok boleh ? Perhh hati ni Allah je la tau. Syukur Ya Allah. Terima kasih Allah. Semoga lebih success, amin. Korang yang baca ni doa2 tau. Sama2 kita doa semoga dilimpahkan rezeki, rezeki yang tak disangka2, rezeki yang dapat bantu orang lain. Amin. Okey, tu je nak share. And sis nk bagitahu, percayalah dengan rezeki dan kuasa Allah. Semoga semua dilindungi dan sentiasa diberikan kesihatan. Amin. 

Semoga korang semua sihat and selamat hari raya. 

XOXO

-NS-

When I know he never want me

Should i wait longer ? Should i give my heart ? Why im being such a stupid? I truly love him. Everyday, i keep reminding myself that he will come to me and say the same things. But, the thing doesn't goes as i expected it will be. 

4th of November, i return home and after 2 years not meeting him. I was so excited. Excited like really excited. We've planned to meet on that Saturday. Before that day, i'm truly excited and feel so lovely. Feel like i'm falling in love again. We talk, video call and text. I know he's busy and not have 24/7 to be there for me. I understand. Never argue about not getting much of intention. I'm trying to be understanding. He made me feel butterfly, every time. 

That day have come, we supposed meet, unfortunately, it not happening. We not meet. The date cancel because of small things. Never mind. There's another day that. Not more but still have. 

Still. we didn't meet for the date. Last day at hometown, hoping to meet him. I went to his house to give his birthday present. Yeap, we met. We go out for few minutes. Not long but huge for me. Happy, yes iam. We talk. But its turn out to be my sad day ever. I ask for serious question. We didn't declare for serious relationship, that day i ask him. Did he serious with me ? I looking at him and hoping for happy ending. Its turn out to be something i hate. He didn't say he want me. He didn't say he doesn't want me. If we meant to be together we will be. He was just put it on the fact. Sounds like he push me. 

My heart broke. Its broken. Thousand pieces like glass drop. Yeah its really hurt like im gonna die that day. Pressure on my head. Is this real? He said, if you find someone better than him, just go. what the hell im gonna with that. Should i be happy or says okey. No No No ! Hell no, I love him and he said i can be with someone else. My eyes hold the tears. 

That night when i arrived, i feel so down. Since that day, I cry ! Every night ! People thought i'm sick, but not its because i cry every single night. I keep remind myself to move on. How can i move on. I love him for almost more than 7 years since i met him at high school. I just want to be happy with him.

Should i wait for another 5 years. Is it worth to wait? I don't want to lose him. I just want to be with him. I want to stand right next him. He love me or not? To be honest, my heart says, "I love him".

Its hurt. Its pain. My head, my eyes, my hearts. Pain. Pain. I hate myself for hoping him to come to me. 

p/s: if you read this. I'll let you know, my love never stop. But when i'm tired and you still didn't show the effort. Okey, i will let the feeling go and close my heart. 

 -NS- 

Life as an adult

 Assalamualaikum dear reader, 

Two years past geng, a lot of things happen lately kan? Never imagine living with virus that able to change a lof of things. Change our life to something else. Wear mask, social distance, MCO, WFH, and more more and more. Stressful juga la kan dengan new norms ni. But, this is it. Nak taknak kene hadap. Paling sakit bila jauh dgn family lama-lama. Painful wei. Alhamdulillah, dah bole rentas. Lepas umum je sis terus plan balik kg jumpa parents, atuk nenek. Sedara-sedara yg dekat sana pun jumpa juga. Two years raya dekat KL tanpa family yg klau boleh every years raya sekali. Sedih gila. 

Okey. Back to main topic. 

Tough gila hidup adult ni. Dulu masa kecik-kecik sibuk nk hidup sendiri konon. Ni dah keje, duduk sendiri baru kau tau rasanya. Rasain loooo.  Hahahah. Yang paling pishang, gi keje balik keje , gi keje balik keje. Tu je la routine weekday. Tu la masa belajar taknak enjoy. Now, menyesal. Korang mcm mn ? yg dah dewasa tu, yang dah plan-plan nak kahwin. Apa perasaan korg? Sis tak tau nak feel apa hahah. mungkin keje sis ni tak cukup fun. Kira belum rasa sesuai lagi. Maybe after few years dpt keje yg sesuai dgn minat, mungkin la best sikit. Now, sis mula dari bawah. Keje clerk je. Ya clerk je. Experience kan, bukan senang nak dpt. Insyaallah, sis yakin dengan rezeki dan perancangan Allah.

Yang tanya-tanya bila nak kahwin. Sabar jap. Kita bagi member-member kita kahwin dulu. huhu. Next-next baru sis pulak. Nak buat mcm mn dah ada calon, tapi calon tak ready. Takpe, ada jodoh kahwin la kita. 

Maaf la reader-reader semua, sis dah lama tak post blog ni. Nowadays pun org tak into blog blog ni, org more to Vlog. Takpe takpe, sis suka-suka je blog ni. Bila rajin je la kot nak sembang sini. Tah ada tah tak org baca ni hah. 

Apa-apa pun, hope semua yg baca ni, sihat and stay strong with new norms. Tough tapi Insyaallah ada pelangi selapas hujan. Love ya all. 

Lots of love.

-NS-

Sky Garden , Melaka

ASSALAMULAIKUM

I hope everyone are having a good time ! Selamat Hari Raya to alls of muslim in the world.

Its been a long time actually i didnt update my blog.

This is the night view 

Btw, SKY GARDEN ! Beautiful place to have a great time with the love ones. Actually i just won a prize from the The Shore. I enter the competition just for fun because that time me and my group member were busy doing our video assignment at the mall (THE SHORE). Suddenly, there is a worker, she tell us about the competition. Honestly, i didnt expect to win the prize. Alhamdullillah i got the second prize which is Afternoon Tea at the Sky Garden. Wauuu. The afternoon tea set good to have date and you didnt want to eat heavy food. Its started from 5pm until 11pm. The view from the restaurant was so beautiful and stunning ! I fall in love with the view. I hope to have a romantic dinner at that place again.

The food is nice so far. Not really bad. Good and nice.

If you come to Melaka, maybe you can try to enjoy the dinner or lunch and actually The Shore also one of the interested place to visit when you come to Melaka. Its a exclusive and fancy. You should try. Really recommended.

Okey. Thank you for having your time read this short story.